Dear readers,
I feel I should apologise to all. A lie, is a lie, is a lie. For the past year, I have been writing on this blog posing as a white, heterosexual, American, middle-class man studying Medieval Studies at the University of Edinburgh. This has been a carefully constructed hoax. I am not. In many ways, I am the opposite of that.
I never expected this level of attention. I only hoped to raise awareness of white, heterosexual, American, middle-class men, providing a voice for the silent majority of white, heterosexual, American, middle-class men living in a state of constant paranoia around the world simply for following their nature.
I apologise for any offence caused. I now see that rather that advancing the cause of white, heterosexual, American, middle-class men (I call them WHAMMs for short), I may have inadvertently put back the cause of WHAMMs by nearly 500 years.
I can only imagine the ordeal a WHAMM faces everyday just for being a WHAMM:
Walking down the street, in constant fear.
Sitting in McDonalds eating a quarter-pounder with cheese, in constant fear.
Being forced to drive an environmentally-friendly but economically unjustifiable luxury electric vehicle to offset their carbon footprint, in constant fear. (“Segway-gated” if you will.)
Carrying out a racially-motivated attack against an individual belonging to an ethnic minority, in constant fear.
Only now do I fully realise the harm I have caused these gentle creatures. But who is the real villain here? Is it the man who driven to despair by the plight of the WHAMM, “whites up,” takes photos of himself failing to achieve the most basic of basketball slam-dunks, affects a total lack of rhythm, pretends not to be endowed with a massive member and then blogs about it SIMPLY TO RAISE AWARENESS?!!
Or is it the IMF?
Looking back at that last paragraph, I've just realised that seems an easy question to answer. But don’t answer right away: go away and think about it, maybe whilst listening to some Vanilla Ice (you may not like it, but I’ve grown to appreciate all World Music).
In conclusion, it’s insane to say that the blame rests only with me. It’s time for us all to do some tough soul-searching. What have we done for these crackers lately?
Peace out.
