Lessons We Have Learned From The Last Ten Years.

1. Women are no closer to smashing through that glass ceiling because they know that if they actually made it up there, people on floors underneath would see up their skirts and (if they’re wearing no knickers) inside their love-mittens. Plus, sexism et al.

2. Don’t turn the repatriation of dead servicemen through Wootton Bassett into a street parade with floats (either that or undertakers need to start making coffins capable of supporting the urban antics of Diversity without spilling remains everywhere)

3. 9/11 = 0.8181818181818181818181818181812

4. The outrage caused by changes to Facebook is our Arab Spring.

5. Regularly eating macrobiotic yoghurts does not mean on forms you can put your ethnicity as “cyborg”

6. There isn’t an app for that empty drumming deep in your soul telling you Steve Jobs is Satan and since he flooded the world with his demonic Pods of Eye, nothing in the world exists anymore.

7. All it takes to be successful is for a person to have an original idea and Mark Zuckerberg to steal it from them. (NOT repeat NOT a ANTI-ZIONIST RANT: I count dreidels, Woody Allen CDs and a victim mentality among my most treasured possessions)

8. If you work in an office you are a cunt.*

*This has been proven in tests.