The rules for applying to the Make A Wish Foundation

1. No wishing for wishes.

2. No wishing for a cure for Leukemia - THERE ISN'T ONE, shitferbrains.

3. I'm not a genie in a bottle: offering to "rub me the right way" will not result in you receiving two extra wishes.

4. No wishing you had superpowers or any of that cryptic batshit. You're about to die: time to get real.

5. We ALL want to rub our face in Christina Hendricks' breasts. If we wielded that kind of power, we wouldn't be dishing it out for free.

6. Basically no wishing for anything other than a trip to Disneyworld.

7. Upon arrival at Disneyland, you will be allocated a per diems of $10 Disneyworld dollars to spend on food. If you choose to spend this on something dumb like a personalised licence plate, remember that before he died, Jesus had the foresight to spend money on his Last Supper so he could see all his friends one last time. He didn't buy a licence plate that said "Je5u5 5ave5" because he didn't want people to think he was Mexican. I suggest you spend it on food. (There's barely enough for that anyway.)

7. No sodomites.

If you break any of the above rules, you will have your "Every Day's A Gift!" hat stripped from you and ceremoniously burnt by a committee of Donald Duck, Goofy and the version of Baloo from Tailspin, but not - I repeat: NOT - Jungle Book.

If you have any complaints about the above rules, please address them to God when you see him shortly.

Thank you for your epistle.

Your sincerest epostle,

The Make A Wish Foundation Foundation Founders